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Friday, June 13, 2008
Rev. Drew’s Thoughts from the Throne 6/13
So Louisiana lawmakers are voting to give themselves a pay raise and Gov. Jindal
isn't going to stop them. The pay raise will triple their pay! Maybe they need the
money to pay the higher gas prices. Perhaps they are stuck in terrible mortgages
and are facing foreclosure and perhaps the only way to avoid losing their homes is
to raise their own pay. Possibly they need the money to pay for their kid's private
school tuition because our public school system is one of the worst in the country.
I have a pay raise plan for Louisiana lawmakers that we will all support and
welcome. How about having their pay tied to their performance? As long as we are
ranked near to, if not, last in education, economy, etc., lawmakers pay will be the
equivalent to that. If we are 50th in education, then they are paid the worst
congressional pay in the nation. If we are number one, then they are the highest paid
congressman in the country. I think that is fair.
After all, aren't most of us paid on performance? If my performance is bad and my
ratings reflect that, I don't get a pay raise, I get fired.
Any thoughts or suggestions, email me nickanddrew@hotmail.com.
-30-
Monday, March 17, 2008
Rev. Drew’s pickup lines for St. Patrick’s Day
Here’s my favorite:
Do you wanna blow my bagpipe?
Read below for your submitted pickup lines...
These are pickup lines were sent in to nickanddrew@hotmail.com. They are good
for one night a year and that is tonight:
So... would ya like to see me Lucky Charms?
Is that a "Pot of Gold" in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Ya wanna kiss my "Blarney Stone"?
Show me your "Shamrocks".
Lassie, it’s your ancestral duty to drive the snake out of my pants!
-30-
Friday, February 15, 2008
Rev. Drew supports manifest destiny
Have you noticed that we are the only country that goes to war that doesn't get any
land out of it? I mean since last century we quit going to war for land and instead we
go to war for social or economic reasons. Lets go back to the way it used to be: We
go to war, we get land!
Think of the benefits. Instead of suffering in the desert for a bunch of ungrateful
warlords and sultans, we're kicking it in Cuba, building casinos and resorts for our
51st state, Cuba.
You want to solve immigration and losing jobs to Mexico? When they are chopped
up into 6 states, they will not leave here for those high paying, 25 cent a day ditch
digging jobs. No, they'll have a minimum wage, running water, and we'll have a
building economy to sell our goods to.
Tired of hearing Hugo Chavez bitch in Venezuela? I bet he'll soften when we're in our
65th state, Columbia. We get cheaper coffee, another wonderful resort area and
eliminate the cocaine trade. Better yet, we'll keep the cocaine trade and re-direct it
at countries in the middle east. They'll calm down when we've got them all coked up!
Think about the benefits of countrolling North and Central America. We'll have new
economies for trade, no illegal immigration and the ability to compete with the billion
residents of China.
So, goodbye Middle East, to hell with you. Hello, Cancun!
Help me bring back manifest destiny so we'll actually get something out of going to
war, like land.
-30-
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Rev. Drew’s Thoughts from the Throne Squirrel Sadness
Are you having a bad day? Really down because nothing is going your way? Think
about the sadness of squirrels.
I'm driving along a back road, no other cars in site, and I see a squirrel on the side of
the road. He's so cute, with his bushy tail, t-rex arms and his rabies infest little furry
body! He has plenty of time to make a decision and cross the road before I get to
him or just wait till I go past and stroll across. What does he do? Dive in front of my
truck and I react, hit the breaks and turn the wheel, narrowly avoiding the nut
smuggler.
As I begin to curse at the squirrel, it dawned on me that maybe he wanted to be run
over. Perhaps a squirrel's life isn't so great after all. Perhaps, squirrels are
chronically depressed from a meaningless life of nut hoarding. Could my tire have
been a way out of a miserable existence?
Think about what being a squirrel would be like…You are a vegetarian. You are the
butt of jokes…Cover your nuts, you eat nuts, you don't have a pair of your own so you
have to forage! A squirrel never gets to hunt or kill, no they forage. Your main
competition in the food chain is stealing food from the hummingbird feeder and
winter.
So see, next time a squirrel goes kamikaze in front of your car tire don't slam the
breaks or swerve to avoid him. Instead, speed up and do him a favor. He'll be glad
you did.
-30-
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Rev. Drew’s Thoughts from the Throne
Is everything perfect in Shreveport? Do we live in a Utopia? We must because the
Shreveport City...I mean Communist...Council has passed a ban on sagging. This is
not a ban on theft or even older women's breasts, no this is a ban on pants being
several inches below the top of boxer shorts. You aren't showing anything but boxer
shorts. I've seen women wearing just boxers at the video store and that is ok but
me exposing a few inches of boxer is criminal?
What part of this should be illegal? Just because you don't like the appearance of
something doesn't make it illegal it just isn't your preference. Some parents are
applauding this law because now someone else can do their job.
The penalty could be a fine or community service. Does the police department not
have enough to do already without wasting their time ticketing the public smokers
and saggers (new term for person who sags)?
If you don't like what I say, don't listen (or turn the channel), if you don't like what I
wear, don't look, and if you don't like how I live, mind your own damn business.
Chances are the same people who are telling us how to live have plenty of problems
they should be dealing with in their lives.
Nick and Drew are conducting a sag off. From here till the law is changed back, feel
free to sag in public places. Take pics and send them to nickanddrew@hotmail.com
and see if anyone has the nerve to ticket you.
-30-
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Rev. Drew’s Thoughts From the Throne
I never imagined that one day I would be talking about musicals much less writing
one, but here I am. This should be the next logical progression for High School
Musical...I call it "College Musical." Below is the first song. If you decide to put
music to it and record it, send it back and we'll air it and post it at www.nickanddrew.
com. Email nickanddrew@hotmail.com.
(Guys)
We're tomcats on the prowl
Hunting cat at the club
Pickup lines on standby
Cologne sprayed twice
Wingman by my side
Taking grenades tonight
(Girls)
Whatever it takes
We're willing to do
We've got the makeup caked
And our hookup panties on
To land us a rich guy
A degree in M-R-S we want
(Chorus)
With liquid courage in our veins
It is the alcohol we'll blame
For dancing on the tables
And all the lines we'll say
(Guys) We want in her pants
(Girls) We want a ring on our finger
We'll see what happens and what we actually remember
(Guys)
Does God know he lost an Angel?
(girl says ahhhh)
That's a great dress!
(whispered) It'd look better on the floor!
Maybe we should leave
(whispered) Your fat friend is cockblocking me
(Girls)
So what does your dad do?
You smell great!
(whispered) Does your cologne come out of a water hose?
I can't leave without my friend
(whispered) My fat friend makes me feel better about myself.
(Chorus)
With liquid courage in our veins
It is the alcohol we'll blame
For dancing on the tables
And all the lines we'll say
(Guys) We want in her pants
(Girls) We want a ring on our finger
We'll see what happens and what we actually remember
-30-
Rev. Drew’s Thoughts from the Throne 6/13
So Louisiana lawmakers are voting to give themselves a pay raise and Gov. Jindal
isn't going to stop them. The pay raise will triple their pay! Maybe they need the
money to pay the higher gas prices. Perhaps they are stuck in terrible mortgages
and are facing foreclosure and perhaps the only way to avoid losing their homes is
to raise their own pay. Possibly they need the money to pay for their kid's private
school tuition because our public school system is one of the worst in the country.
I have a pay raise plan for Louisiana lawmakers that we will all support and
welcome. How about having their pay tied to their performance? As long as we are
ranked near to, if not, last in education, economy, etc., lawmakers pay will be the
equivalent to that. If we are 50th in education, then they are paid the worst
congressional pay in the nation. If we are number one, then they are the highest paid
congressman in the country. I think that is fair.
After all, aren't most of us paid on performance? If my performance is bad and my
ratings reflect that, I don't get a pay raise, I get fired.
Any thoughts or suggestions, email me nickanddrew@hotmail.com.
-30-
Monday, March 17, 2008
Rev. Drew’s pickup lines for St. Patrick’s Day
Here’s my favorite:
Do you wanna blow my bagpipe?
Read below for your submitted pickup lines...
These are pickup lines were sent in to nickanddrew@hotmail.com. They are good
for one night a year and that is tonight:
So... would ya like to see me Lucky Charms?
Is that a "Pot of Gold" in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Ya wanna kiss my "Blarney Stone"?
Show me your "Shamrocks".
Lassie, it’s your ancestral duty to drive the snake out of my pants!
-30-
Friday, February 15, 2008
Rev. Drew supports manifest destiny
Have you noticed that we are the only country that goes to war that doesn't get any
land out of it? I mean since last century we quit going to war for land and instead we
go to war for social or economic reasons. Lets go back to the way it used to be: We
go to war, we get land!
Think of the benefits. Instead of suffering in the desert for a bunch of ungrateful
warlords and sultans, we're kicking it in Cuba, building casinos and resorts for our
51st state, Cuba.
You want to solve immigration and losing jobs to Mexico? When they are chopped
up into 6 states, they will not leave here for those high paying, 25 cent a day ditch
digging jobs. No, they'll have a minimum wage, running water, and we'll have a
building economy to sell our goods to.
Tired of hearing Hugo Chavez bitch in Venezuela? I bet he'll soften when we're in our
65th state, Columbia. We get cheaper coffee, another wonderful resort area and
eliminate the cocaine trade. Better yet, we'll keep the cocaine trade and re-direct it
at countries in the middle east. They'll calm down when we've got them all coked up!
Think about the benefits of countrolling North and Central America. We'll have new
economies for trade, no illegal immigration and the ability to compete with the billion
residents of China.
So, goodbye Middle East, to hell with you. Hello, Cancun!
Help me bring back manifest destiny so we'll actually get something out of going to
war, like land.
-30-
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Rev. Drew’s Thoughts from the Throne Squirrel Sadness
Are you having a bad day? Really down because nothing is going your way? Think
about the sadness of squirrels.
I'm driving along a back road, no other cars in site, and I see a squirrel on the side of
the road. He's so cute, with his bushy tail, t-rex arms and his rabies infest little furry
body! He has plenty of time to make a decision and cross the road before I get to
him or just wait till I go past and stroll across. What does he do? Dive in front of my
truck and I react, hit the breaks and turn the wheel, narrowly avoiding the nut
smuggler.
As I begin to curse at the squirrel, it dawned on me that maybe he wanted to be run
over. Perhaps a squirrel's life isn't so great after all. Perhaps, squirrels are
chronically depressed from a meaningless life of nut hoarding. Could my tire have
been a way out of a miserable existence?
Think about what being a squirrel would be like…You are a vegetarian. You are the
butt of jokes…Cover your nuts, you eat nuts, you don't have a pair of your own so you
have to forage! A squirrel never gets to hunt or kill, no they forage. Your main
competition in the food chain is stealing food from the hummingbird feeder and
winter.
So see, next time a squirrel goes kamikaze in front of your car tire don't slam the
breaks or swerve to avoid him. Instead, speed up and do him a favor. He'll be glad
you did.
-30-
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Rev. Drew’s Thoughts from the Throne
Is everything perfect in Shreveport? Do we live in a Utopia? We must because the
Shreveport City...I mean Communist...Council has passed a ban on sagging. This is
not a ban on theft or even older women's breasts, no this is a ban on pants being
several inches below the top of boxer shorts. You aren't showing anything but boxer
shorts. I've seen women wearing just boxers at the video store and that is ok but
me exposing a few inches of boxer is criminal?
What part of this should be illegal? Just because you don't like the appearance of
something doesn't make it illegal it just isn't your preference. Some parents are
applauding this law because now someone else can do their job.
The penalty could be a fine or community service. Does the police department not
have enough to do already without wasting their time ticketing the public smokers
and saggers (new term for person who sags)?
If you don't like what I say, don't listen (or turn the channel), if you don't like what I
wear, don't look, and if you don't like how I live, mind your own damn business.
Chances are the same people who are telling us how to live have plenty of problems
they should be dealing with in their lives.
Nick and Drew are conducting a sag off. From here till the law is changed back, feel
free to sag in public places. Take pics and send them to nickanddrew@hotmail.com
and see if anyone has the nerve to ticket you.
-30-
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Rev. Drew’s Thoughts From the Throne
I never imagined that one day I would be talking about musicals much less writing
one, but here I am. This should be the next logical progression for High School
Musical...I call it "College Musical." Below is the first song. If you decide to put
music to it and record it, send it back and we'll air it and post it at www.nickanddrew.
com. Email nickanddrew@hotmail.com.
(Guys)
We're tomcats on the prowl
Hunting cat at the club
Pickup lines on standby
Cologne sprayed twice
Wingman by my side
Taking grenades tonight
(Girls)
Whatever it takes
We're willing to do
We've got the makeup caked
And our hookup panties on
To land us a rich guy
A degree in M-R-S we want
(Chorus)
With liquid courage in our veins
It is the alcohol we'll blame
For dancing on the tables
And all the lines we'll say
(Guys) We want in her pants
(Girls) We want a ring on our finger
We'll see what happens and what we actually remember
(Guys)
Does God know he lost an Angel?
(girl says ahhhh)
That's a great dress!
(whispered) It'd look better on the floor!
Maybe we should leave
(whispered) Your fat friend is cockblocking me
(Girls)
So what does your dad do?
You smell great!
(whispered) Does your cologne come out of a water hose?
I can't leave without my friend
(whispered) My fat friend makes me feel better about myself.
(Chorus)
With liquid courage in our veins
It is the alcohol we'll blame
For dancing on the tables
And all the lines we'll say
(Guys) We want in her pants
(Girls) We want a ring on our finger
We'll see what happens and what we actually remember
-30-
Rev. Drew's Thoughts From the Throne: What to give for
Valentine's Day! 2/11/10
As we count down to Valentine’s Day I realized that I have actually
done nothing for this. My wife and I agreed not to do anything this
year, but come on, I know that is complete bullshit. If I don’t have
something bought or prepared for Valentine’s Day then I will pay.
Most likely, it will not be overt acts of revenge but passive
aggressive methods of teaching me my lesson. So it is get
something or suffer the consequences.
I loathe restaurants on Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day as these
are the two most crowded days of the year. Nothing says love like
over worked wait staff and cooks along with long waits to be
seated followed by outrageous bill.
Flowers are a standard. I got away with picking flowers out of the
yard not too long ago but going to that well to many times results in
looking uncaring and cheap. However, florists triple prices during
these desperate times leading up to Valentine’s Day. My old
faithful the grocery store has decent flowers at a decent price but
you run the risk of getting there and the store is out. I guess my
secret grocery store flower idea has gotten out.
Chocolates just don’t cut it. Why do I want to buy her chocolates?
She’ll either not eat them and you wasted a gift or she’ll eat them
and complain how fat she is all the time…either way it is wasted
money on my part.
Lingerie? If you are thinking about this, you are a fool or you have
the coolest chick on the planet!!!! By now you should know that
lingerie is a gift for you, not her, and buying it tells her you only
want one thing. Ok, we know we only want one thing but we
pretend because it makes her happy. See we do care about her
feelings.
Ok, as I’m working this out in my head…how about theme night. We
can do a French theme for the night at home. I can steal ink and
paper here and work by printing out things that remind me of
France (Eiffel Tower, Berets, Gerard Depardieu, etc.), we can cook
a French style dinner recipe, and get loaded off of wine (although
it won’t be French, Sonoma County baby!). Now I get fed, she gets a
romantic night, and a few glasses of wine later, we have lift off!
Thanks for letting me hash this out…perhaps you can share some
of your Valentine’s Day gift ideas in case my shuttle launch gets
scrubbed?
-30-
Valentine's Day! 2/11/10
As we count down to Valentine’s Day I realized that I have actually
done nothing for this. My wife and I agreed not to do anything this
year, but come on, I know that is complete bullshit. If I don’t have
something bought or prepared for Valentine’s Day then I will pay.
Most likely, it will not be overt acts of revenge but passive
aggressive methods of teaching me my lesson. So it is get
something or suffer the consequences.
I loathe restaurants on Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day as these
are the two most crowded days of the year. Nothing says love like
over worked wait staff and cooks along with long waits to be
seated followed by outrageous bill.
Flowers are a standard. I got away with picking flowers out of the
yard not too long ago but going to that well to many times results in
looking uncaring and cheap. However, florists triple prices during
these desperate times leading up to Valentine’s Day. My old
faithful the grocery store has decent flowers at a decent price but
you run the risk of getting there and the store is out. I guess my
secret grocery store flower idea has gotten out.
Chocolates just don’t cut it. Why do I want to buy her chocolates?
She’ll either not eat them and you wasted a gift or she’ll eat them
and complain how fat she is all the time…either way it is wasted
money on my part.
Lingerie? If you are thinking about this, you are a fool or you have
the coolest chick on the planet!!!! By now you should know that
lingerie is a gift for you, not her, and buying it tells her you only
want one thing. Ok, we know we only want one thing but we
pretend because it makes her happy. See we do care about her
feelings.
Ok, as I’m working this out in my head…how about theme night. We
can do a French theme for the night at home. I can steal ink and
paper here and work by printing out things that remind me of
France (Eiffel Tower, Berets, Gerard Depardieu, etc.), we can cook
a French style dinner recipe, and get loaded off of wine (although
it won’t be French, Sonoma County baby!). Now I get fed, she gets a
romantic night, and a few glasses of wine later, we have lift off!
Thanks for letting me hash this out…perhaps you can share some
of your Valentine’s Day gift ideas in case my shuttle launch gets
scrubbed?
-30-