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Thoughts from the Throne 8/4
You can always tell when a man has invented something. Today a co-
worker told me he had to holster his Blackberry. Obviously it was
invented by a man…it sounds manly. For example do you use a
groover in the yard, no you use a RAKE, obviously invented by a man.
Garden implements are a great place to start. Almost everything used
in the yard is the result of man-naming. There’s the shovel, rake, leaf
blower, weed wacker, mower and who can forget the HOE! The only
object used in the yard not named by a man is fertilizer, which reminds
a woman of our exclusive ability to give life.
Check out a construction site and you’ll find our influence there as
well. The hammer, screwdriver, saw and caulk are there. How do you
put things together? You use a nail and a screw!
A woman’s touch is found on objects men don’t necessarily care
about. Think about paint or colors in general. Ask a man what color
to paint a wall and he’ll say white, blue or green. Ask a woman and you’
ll get cream, periwinkle or salmon. This applies to clothing as well.
Man sports include football, baseball and hockey. Women play volley
ball (let’s just volley the ball back and forth for awhile, doesn’t it
sound like fun). A man would have named it hitball or spikeball.
Women have gymnastics! Gym + fantastic = gymnastics.
Women wear bathing suits or bikinis. Men wear swim trunks! Women
have blouses and men wear shirts. The list is endless.
I’ve gotta run. I’m going to the firing range to cock the hammer and
shoot my gun!
-30-
You can always tell when a man has invented something. Today a co-
worker told me he had to holster his Blackberry. Obviously it was
invented by a man…it sounds manly. For example do you use a
groover in the yard, no you use a RAKE, obviously invented by a man.
Garden implements are a great place to start. Almost everything used
in the yard is the result of man-naming. There’s the shovel, rake, leaf
blower, weed wacker, mower and who can forget the HOE! The only
object used in the yard not named by a man is fertilizer, which reminds
a woman of our exclusive ability to give life.
Check out a construction site and you’ll find our influence there as
well. The hammer, screwdriver, saw and caulk are there. How do you
put things together? You use a nail and a screw!
A woman’s touch is found on objects men don’t necessarily care
about. Think about paint or colors in general. Ask a man what color
to paint a wall and he’ll say white, blue or green. Ask a woman and you’
ll get cream, periwinkle or salmon. This applies to clothing as well.
Man sports include football, baseball and hockey. Women play volley
ball (let’s just volley the ball back and forth for awhile, doesn’t it
sound like fun). A man would have named it hitball or spikeball.
Women have gymnastics! Gym + fantastic = gymnastics.
Women wear bathing suits or bikinis. Men wear swim trunks! Women
have blouses and men wear shirts. The list is endless.
I’ve gotta run. I’m going to the firing range to cock the hammer and
shoot my gun!
-30-
Thoughts from the Throne 9/18/06
Do you remember pre-girlfriend/wife?…when a Halloween costume
and witty costume idea and better your chances of landing a one
night date.
Perhaps you went as a gigantic tree or possibly you disguised
yourself as a teddy bear with the hopes she’d want to have a
sleepover. Halloween was your favorite holiday of the year…you
could cover up your shortcomings with a costume or mask and by the
time she knew better it was the next morning. It was like reverse
beer goggles!
Something will happen along the way that will ruin Halloween as you
know it. You’ll either get a girlfriend or you’ll permanently ruin your
Halloween by getting married! There is a reason you never let a
girlfriend or wife choose your Halloween costume. It’s because her
soul goal is to make you look STUPID!!!
Guys choose their costumes for three reasons: 1) To look cool, 2)
They like a character (movie or comic book character), 3) whatever
they think will get them laid! Girls choose costumes based on three
things too: 1) Something that is really, really cute, 2) A fairytale or
Disney movie character that’s really, really cute, 3) Whatever will look
the best in couples pictures.
Gone is One Night Stand and enter Raggedy Ann and Andy. Goodbye
Chewbacca and hello Fred and Wilma. Off with GI Joe and on with
Faith Hill and Tim McGraw (I have a friend who was forced to go as
this).
Costume makers make millions every year on couples costumes
because they know she’ll make you wear one or make your life a real
Halloween, a living hell.
This year I’m forced to go as the cowardly lion. That’s me in the one-
piece jumper with the MAMMAL TOE. Feel sorry for me and learn
from me now because you’ll be me later!
-30-
Do you remember pre-girlfriend/wife?…when a Halloween costume
and witty costume idea and better your chances of landing a one
night date.
Perhaps you went as a gigantic tree or possibly you disguised
yourself as a teddy bear with the hopes she’d want to have a
sleepover. Halloween was your favorite holiday of the year…you
could cover up your shortcomings with a costume or mask and by the
time she knew better it was the next morning. It was like reverse
beer goggles!
Something will happen along the way that will ruin Halloween as you
know it. You’ll either get a girlfriend or you’ll permanently ruin your
Halloween by getting married! There is a reason you never let a
girlfriend or wife choose your Halloween costume. It’s because her
soul goal is to make you look STUPID!!!
Guys choose their costumes for three reasons: 1) To look cool, 2)
They like a character (movie or comic book character), 3) whatever
they think will get them laid! Girls choose costumes based on three
things too: 1) Something that is really, really cute, 2) A fairytale or
Disney movie character that’s really, really cute, 3) Whatever will look
the best in couples pictures.
Gone is One Night Stand and enter Raggedy Ann and Andy. Goodbye
Chewbacca and hello Fred and Wilma. Off with GI Joe and on with
Faith Hill and Tim McGraw (I have a friend who was forced to go as
this).
Costume makers make millions every year on couples costumes
because they know she’ll make you wear one or make your life a real
Halloween, a living hell.
This year I’m forced to go as the cowardly lion. That’s me in the one-
piece jumper with the MAMMAL TOE. Feel sorry for me and learn
from me now because you’ll be me later!
-30-
Thoughts from the Throne 7/3
Rev. Drew's Thoughts from the Throne 6/18/07
swing·er n.
1) One that swings: a good swinger of baseball bats.
2) A person who actively seeks excitement and moves with the latest
trends.
3) A person who engages freely in promiscuous sex.
4) A member of a couple, especially a married couple, who exchanges
sexual partners.
5) To punish with blows; thrash; beat.
Number 3 and 4 were more exciting to Nick and I so we found
Bubbles (not her real name, duh) and she taught us about the
swinging lifestyle.
Click HERE for Bubbles, Nick and Drew's official Swinger, as she talks
about getting into the lifestyle and why, misconceptions and her first
time.
Later,
Rev. Drew
ps. currently trying to work this in to the Church of Drew. Would
make communion a whole lot more fun!
-30-
swing·er n.
1) One that swings: a good swinger of baseball bats.
2) A person who actively seeks excitement and moves with the latest
trends.
3) A person who engages freely in promiscuous sex.
4) A member of a couple, especially a married couple, who exchanges
sexual partners.
5) To punish with blows; thrash; beat.
Number 3 and 4 were more exciting to Nick and I so we found
Bubbles (not her real name, duh) and she taught us about the
swinging lifestyle.
Click HERE for Bubbles, Nick and Drew's official Swinger, as she talks
about getting into the lifestyle and why, misconceptions and her first
time.
Later,
Rev. Drew
ps. currently trying to work this in to the Church of Drew. Would
make communion a whole lot more fun!
-30-
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